Never Again…

It was a usual office day with me at my desk in front of a window that my view is a bluebird box that I have had the pleasure over the years to see the bluebirds build their nests, lay their eggs, take turns watching their eggs, and feeding their babies.  Chip even turned the opening so I could see them come and go. The birds would catch my eye often throughout the day as they come and go. It brings me such happiness to look forward to this ritual several times a year. I miss them when the winter comes and though they still stop by it is not as often.

Today as I was working at my desk, I was hearing a lot of squawking out the window and look up to see several birds fluttering around, landing on the deck railing, to fly off again and are joined by more bluebirds. At first, I thought there must be a fight over whose nest it is as this has happened before, and I go back to typing. The ruckus gets louder as I see the birds fly toward the ground, so I stand up to look out and see if they were in fact fighting, as I have seen this as well, only to see a snake! The snake apparently had realized it could not climb the pole and was going toward the house. I immediately called Chip to see if he is close by and he said he was not. I am not sure I even said goodbye as I was hanging up when I was blurting out, I wanted to make sure the snake did not go into the basement.

I grabbed my pistol, took it out of the holster, went to the deck, and thought what the heck I do not even remember how to use this thing, and the last time I tried I did not have enough hand strength to pull the trigger. One of the many frustrating things of having Rheumatoid Arthritis is the ongoing decrease in my ability to do the simplest of tasks. Needless to say, I laid the gun on the bar to be safe, and I cautiously went out onto the deck in the rain and peeked over the edge and could not see the snake anywhere. And when I say cautiously, I was walking like I was sure the snake was going to come up through a crack on the deck and eat me. I then decided I better go down the steps and look under the deck to see where the snake went as I was terrified it would find a hole and get into the house. Of course, I was not going within 50 feet of the area and did not see anything from that distance. I was terrified it was going to be slithering toward me and went back inside.

I sat back down at my desk, but I could not quit thinking about that snake getting into my basement. I sent Chip a text….

I then remembered he had put golf balls in the chicken coop because snakes eat eggs and I thought if I threw a golf ball over the deck maybe the snake would think it was an egg and come out and eat it. I found a golf ball in the dog’s toy box and made my way to the deck. I threw the golf ball over the edge without getting too close because I am still terrified the snake might be climbing the deck. I go back to my office, look out the window and I do not see the golf ball. Ugh, I assume I must have overthrown my target. I really did not want to go back outside, but I had to know where that snake was, so I dig through the dog toys again to find another one. This time I very and I mean very reluctantly go to the edge of the deck and drop it to my targeted area and quickly dart back into the house. I go back to work and occasionally look to see if it was working and still no snake. I then decide maybe if I threw an egg at the golf ball the snake would smell the broken egg and come out then. So back to the kitchen to get an egg, back out onto the deck, in the rain, tip toeing as if that would save me from the snake, drop the egg over the edge and what the heck the egg did not break. I thought about wasting another egg, or what could I throw at it to break it, and decided to just let it be and hope the snake would come out and get one or the other.

I sent Chip another text…..

All during this time, the birds continued to create a ruckus and I would stand up, look out the window and I continued to not see anything. So, I would sit back down and type some more and repeat this scenario multiple times. All I could think about was this thing was in my basement and I was never going back down there. Then I thought that would be impossible, as I have a lot of stuff in the basement, so I guess I will be wearing knee high muck boots.

I then got busy and was not paying attention, and it hit me I had not heard any of the birds squawking in the last little bit and I looked out the window and there it was, THE SNAKE, and its tail was wrapped around the deck pole and its head was in the bluebird box. It happened so fast. Where did it come from? How did it get there? I was afraid the entire time it was going in my basement when in fact it was finding its way to my baby bluebirds.

I grabbed the phone and called Chip crying out, “it is in the bluebird house.” He said call Greg. I called Greg (my brother) and luckily, he answered as I hollered into the phone “please come quick there is a snake in my bluebirds” and I hung up. I immediately called back and said, “it’s the bluebird house on the back deck just go around to the back.” About that time the snake came out of the blue bird house and started going onto the deck. I called Greg back and panickily said “now it is on the deck, just come to the deck, and hurry.” By now I jump up to make sure I know where it is going, the entire time my heart is jumping out of my chest. Thankfully, Greg and Michelle were here within a minute, and Michelle nonchalantly picked the snake up as I was screaming through the glass door to kill it. She does not kill snakes, so I continued to scream, “please do not let it go in my yard, take it with you” as they left the deck. I did not even say goodbye or tell them how thankful I was, all I was thinking was I sure hope it gets eaten by something bigger than him.

I went back to my desk to go back to work to only be distracted by an overall sadness that I had not been able to save the bluebirds. I worked at the desk for several more hours and not once did I see the bluebirds again. I looked out the window and said out loud “I am so sorry” with tears in my eyes, as if they could hear me. I truly was heart broken for the mama, daddy and baby blue birds.

Chip came home and I told him how bad I felt that I could not save the birds. If I just could have used my gun, maybe I could have scared the snake away even if my aim was not good enough to kill it. I then remembered this past weekend a friend had an automatic BB gun, it was really cool, like a machine gun. I decided that was exactly what I needed, a machine gun BB gun, and asked Chip if he thought I could shoot it and he said of course. I said then order me one. He was at his computer and was telling me all the details of what the BB gun came with and such and all I was thinking was I do not care as long as it was a machine gun, just order it. He told me how much it was going to cost, and I said I do not care just order it. He then said I have it in the basket, but I am not going to order it yet and will give you time to think about it. Think about it? There is nothing to think about, order it, I am going to be prepared to save my bluebirds if this ever happens again.

Since then, I have thought what if I had seen that snake while I was out on the deck looking for it? I would have surely broken a hip as I would have tried to run, the deck was slick, and my bones are old. Thank goodness I did not see it but had I known it was under the deck I would have tried to make noise or something to scare it away, but the only thing that was truly scared was me, and of course those bluebirds.

By the time you read this, my machine BB gun has arrived and here it is and this gun-toting over-protective bluebird watcher is ready to fight! I just hope they give their home another chance.